can’t go back June 28, 2009

I’ll admit it, sometimes I miss the love that I used to have, even if I know now that it wasn’t good love. But there are those moments, those perfect moments that you just can’t forget and makes you miss that love. I thought that I was going to come out the other side of breaking up and be cautious of being that happy again. But if anything I feel more hopeful that I can find someone to share my happiness and love me again. And so in my state of optimism I will grace you with some country song lyrics that made me think of old love.

“The summer air was heavy and sweet/ You and I on a crowded street/ There was music everywhere, I can see us there/ In a happy little foreign town/ Where the stars hung upside down/ A half a world away, far, far away/ I remember you were laughing/ We were so in love, we were so in love/ And the band played songs we had never heard/ But we danced anyway…

They say you can’t go back/ Baby, I don’t believe that/ Come along with me, come dance with me/ Maybe if I hold you close/ Baby, we could just let go/ Of those things that tie us down, we’ll come back around/ Do you remember, we were laughing/ We were so in love, so in love…” -We Danced Anyway, Deanna Carter

“When all our tears have reached the sea/ Part of you will live in me/ Way down deep inside my heart…

You’ll find better love/ Strong as it ever was/ Deep as the river runs/ Warm as the morning sun/ Please remember me…

Remember me when you’re out walking/ When the snow falls high outside your door/ Late at night when you’re not sleeping/ And moonlight falls across your floor/ When I can’t hurt you anymore…” -Please Remember Me, Tim McGraw

“Do I recall, every day/ How you took my breath away?/ Do I remember loving you?/ Yes I do…

Yes I do dream of all we had together/ Yes it’s true we lost it forever/ And do I pray anyway?/ Yes I do…

I don’t live in the past/ Wanting love that wouldn’t last/ I don’t ache like I used to…” -Yes I Do, Rascal Flatts

first comes marriage June 23, 2009

Why is everone getting married? Okay so not everyone is getting married but it sure feels like that. Within the past two months I have heard of three couples I know getting engaged, girls I haven’t seen in forever announce that they are going to get engaged soon, and then there are all the weddings. It’s June, wedding season, made obvious by “Wedding Crashers,” so I guess I should expect it. And it’s not that I have anything against marriage or weddings. In fact the real kicker is I would love to plan a wedding. Really, I love planning events, I love shopping, and I love fashion and coordination, all essential parts of a wedding. No, I am not one of those crazy girls who knows exactly what they want for their wedding and they’re just looking for the man to complete the picture. I would love to plan your wedding if you’re getting married; I can most certainly wait for my own.

No is this what I can expect as I get further into my 20s? I was looking forward to celebrating my friends’ graduations from graduate and law schools so I never thought about marriages. Quite honestly, at 22 years old, I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with another person. I am not ready for that level of commitment. I don’t even know what kind of career I want to pursue or even what outfit I’m going to wear in the morning to work. I also wonder, seeing as I work with the elderly, if girls my age are really thinking that you are most likely going to spend 50 or more years with this one person, forgoing all the fun of youth in favor of picking out paint for the living room and the possibility of a baby carriage (though at least they are getting married before the baby carriage, something some girls seem to have problems with nowadays). Sure, I would asolutely love to be in a loving, committed relationship with an amazing guy but since I’m not, I’m not going to miss out on all the fun of meeting cute, silly, funny guys in all sorts of places. Plus I look better after my last break up than I have in the past four years of college. I am not going to waste having a hot body that I didn’t even work for.

Roma the last day June 2, 2009

Day 5, May 26^th

 

            It was our last day in Rome and we started it the same as always, breakfast at the hotel then heading out on foot into some part of the city. This time we were going all the way out to Villa Borghese, a huge park in Rome that was land formerly owned by the Borghese family. We were going to visit the Galleria Borghese because I just had to see a few Caravaggio works before I left and of course there’s always room for more Bernini.

            We decided to start off by visiting one of the other basilicas in Rome that was on our way, Santa Maria Maggiore. It was only about a mile from our hotel but we had to walk up Via Cavour which was a nice steady incline. As we walked to Santa Maria Maggiore, we saw one of the funniest things of our whole trip. A taxi cab and a large coach bus got in a small accident; it wasn’t really clear who had hit whom but nobody was hurt and the vehicles weren’t even dented. But both drivers were really upset and had gotten out and were yelling at each other. The argument got heated and the taxi driver took a swing at the bus driver who happened to be much larger than him. This started a minor slapping match and suddenly all these Italian men ran out to try to break it up. The bus driver and taxi driver continued to chase one another while the other men tried to break it up. It stopped traffic on both sides of the street and men were getting out of their cars trying to break it up. The bus that was part of the accident happened to be filled with Asian tourists who watched as their driver chased the taxi driver up the street. At one point, another man hopped into the taxi and drove it off to the side so that traffic could keep moving while the two drivers still tried to slap each other. Another man on his scooter made it his job to direct traffic. The bus driver decided that the taxi driver might try to get away so he went over to the cab and took the keys out of the ignition. Finally both drivers grabbed their phones, presumably to call the police. Like Stefano said, “It’s the Italian way.”

            We finally made it up the hill to Santa Maria Maggiore. It was another church I had studied in my art history classes and it proved to be just as beautiful and elaborate as all the rest. This church had beautiful mosaics though the ones in the apse were harder to see because of the dim lighting. After our visit to the church, we spotted Upim, a discount department store in Rome. Mom bought some olive oil beauty products and I really wanted to buy these pajamas that were a pale pink short-sleeved pajama top with short bloomer bottoms but I didn’t.

            We passed a lot of things on our way to Villa Borghese and were in a very different part of Rome, a much more commercial area where a lot of office buildings were. At the Piazza della Republica, we stopped at a magazine vendor where Mom got some Italian home and gardening magazines and I picked up ten postcards for 3 euros. The old man at cash register told me, “Thank you, bella.” It would be nice if American men just went around calling you beautiful all the time. We stopped for lunch not far from there at a restaurant called Papa Bacchus. We ate inside where it was nice and quiet and air conditioned. I had tonarelli with cheese and pepper and for our appetizer we shared eggplant fondue. The eggplant fondue was excellent; it was basically stacked eggplant in a cheese shell. The tonarelli was al dente and handmade. Seriously, Rome was pushing me in the direction of the Culinary Institute. Maybe I could be like Sabrina?

            We finally made it over to the Villa Borghese after passing through the Aurelian Wall and weaving down a few more streets. When we got to the Galleria Borghese, we found out the tickets had to be bought in advance but thankfully a couple of people didn’t show up for their reservations and we claimed them.

            The Galleria Borghese is a gorgeous setting for a museum. And of course the collection is beyond wonderful. As an art history major that spent so many hours locked in a dark room seeing these objects on slides, it was stunning to finally see them in person. Especially Bernini’s Apollo and Daphne. I love the way her fingers change into leaves and her toes start growing roots. The bodies look like they’re moving forward in flight. It simply took my breath away. Canova’s Paolina Borghese was actually really provocative for a statue, much more so in real life than when I had seen it in class. Then there were Caravaggio’s works, Sick Bacchus, David with the Head of Goliath, and the Boy with the Basket of Fruit. Again being in person you could see how much skill he had, the play of dark and light and the realism injected into the canvas. It’s sufficient to say that I loved the Galleria Borghese.

            We kind of wound through the city on our way back, ending up walking down Via Veneto down to the Piazza Barberini and discovering Bernini’s drinking fountain with its large bees. This also meant that we had to walk up a huge hill to get back to our hotel. But we got back to where Bernini’s four fountains are and San Carlo was open this time. I was so happy to see the church that I wanted to see so badly. I loved its cool white interior with the intricate coffered ceiling, a mix of crosses and shapes. Sant’Andrea al Quirinale also happened to be open, though we had to go in through the seminary entrance. Sant’Andrea was more opulent than San Carlo and we got a chance to sneak a peak at the special dome above the altar.

            We had our last afternoon shower to get rid of all the dust and dirt of Rome. Mom and I decided our last dinner would have to be the same as our first: pizza at Pizzeria da Baffetto. We waited a lot longer this time but the food was just as good. Giovanni called and offered to take us for drinks and show us a bit of Rome at night. We agreed to meet at Campo dei Fiori.

            Campo dei Fiori is very different at night than it is during the morning. Most of the places surrounding the square are bars and, mostly because of the huge Champions League match between Barcelona and Manchester United, there were tons of people out drinking. But Rome, in an effort to curb the violence that usually accompanies the soccer matches, placed an 11pm drinking curfew on the parts of the city closest to the Colosseum area where it was being held. We found Giovannia and he offered to take us for a drive around Rome. Seeing Rome by car is a very different experience than walking. Zooming around the streets and through traffic is exhilarating and everything just looks different. It was a great way to spend our last evening.

 

            The next morning we got up super early and, despite our driver being late, we made it to the airport with little incident. Of course the airport was another perfect place for people watching. We had a lay-over in Milan which turned out to be 3 hours instead of one because of a delay. I actually enjoyed the airport there since it was clean and the view of the Alps was beautiful. It was another 9 hours on the plane before we were finally back at JFK and our Rome adventure was officially over.

roma day 4 May 31, 2009

Day 4, May 25^th

 

            This was the day we had chosen to visit Vatican City. It meant an early start and a harrowing taxi ride to that part of Rome. We also had to dress for the trip; the Vatican has a strict no knees, shoulders, midriffs, or cleavage for all visitors and it’s strictly enforced. We decided to go first to the Tomb of the Popes, which turned out to be just as creepy as it sounds. Basically most of the older tombs have effigies on top that are surprisingly life-like and you’re supposed to be very quiet down there. Our next stop was going inside Saint Peter’s, which naturally was crowded though we later heard that it wasn’t as busy as it normally is. I guess it helped to go on a Monday. Saint Peter’s was just as magnificent as I had anticipated with Bernini’s Baldacchino rising over the altar. I had been anticipating seeing the Baldacchino for so long. Sometimes when you imagine seeing something it becomes bigger and better in your mind than what you end up seeing. This was not the case at all and I took millions of pictures. The space was just so huge and magnificently decorated absolutely everywhere. I even got to see Bernini’s four saint statues up close, like St. Longinus. Michelangelo’s Pieta was behind glass and very crowded but I still managed to see all of the detail he put into it.

            Our next stop was the cupola. Mom and I rode the elevator up to the top of Saint Peter’s but then we had to climb up 321 stairs to the top before we could see magnificent views of Rome. But remember how hot it was for the first few days? Well it was just as hot today and I probably lost five pounds just from sweating. Also the stairs are narrow and at points curve with the dome so you are forced to curve your body as well. But all the pain was worth it and you could see all of Rome, for miles and miles from the top, even the Colosseum and the Wedding Cake. Though I thought I was going to pass out on the way down, it wasn’t a bad trip. We got cokes at the little rooftop café on the top of St. Peter’s to rehydrate.

            After visiting St. Peter’s, we made our way around to the Vatican Museum. The line seemed pretty long but it moved fast. On our way into the city on Friday, we saw the line to get into the museum and it wrapped really far around the Vatican. The museum itself was kind of odd. Most people are only there to see the Sistine Chapel, which I will admit was my main goal too, but the crowds are like salmon, all moving in one direction and pushing you along. The nice part though was that the Raphael rooms weren’t as crowded so I got a chance to admire his brilliant colors and the way he used perspective. These are the things we always talked about in class but you really don’t get a feel for them until you’re up close. They were also pretty small so you had a chance to be closer. Finally we were ushered into the crowds in the Sistine Chapel. Before looking up at the ceiling, you just look out into the crowd (since you’re up on the altar) and it looks like a giant mosh pit. Surprisingly you got a good chance to look at the ceiling and the frescoes along the way. The blue in the Last Judgment fresco was just so bright and the ceiling was so fine and detailed. Now I understand what all the fuss is about! Since the Sistine Chapel is the last thing in the museum, we made our way out and over to a small pizzeria down a side street. I was exhausted from all the crowds and art so a good Pizza Margherita was just what I needed.

            For our trip back to the hotel, we decided to cross the Ponte Sant’Angelo which is right by the Castel Sant’Angelo and designed by Bernini. I absolutely love the angel statues on that bridge. They are so beautiful and look real like they’re just resting there for a little bit. Our way back was another journey of weaving through the Roman streets, this time a much longer journey than any of our others. We passed Santa Maria della Pace which unfortunately was closed but we did get some gelato and head into the Piazza Navona. We even put our dirty and tired feet in one of the fountains but the polizia came and yelled at us. Thankfully we made it back to our hotel for a much needed shower.

            Giovanni had told us the day before to have dinner at the café since Andrea Botticelli was going to be performing at the Colosseum and that’s just what we did. It was almost a relief not to have to navigate through the city after having walked all the way back from the Vatican. I had a Caprese salad with the most amazing Buffalo mozzarella and then spaghetti alla Carbonara. Giovanni then proceeded to prepare a special dessert for us which involved strawberries and sugar and Grand Marnier over a flame. It was a little scary but delicious.

            After dinner we walked across the street to the Colosseum to see if we could hear and watch Andrea Botticelli. Through one of the openings we could actually see him and we could hear him too which was pretty awesome. This is also where we met Luca and Fabrettzio, two Italian boys who wanted to take us for a drink. We headed over to the Royal Bar, just two doors down from our usual café. Luca was already drunk and didn’t speak any English; Fabrettzio spoke very little English. It made conversation interesting but even I wasn’t so bad at Italian that I could understand why Luca was all over me. And even though “no” is pretty universal, again he was drunk. He wasn’t even that cute and though I don’t mind meeting new people, especially guys, in a new place, all the romance of Rome had reminded me of my recent break-up and how much I wished my ex was still with me. We ended up back at the café and Luca still wasn’t getting the hint so thankfully Giovanni and Stefano, the owner of the café, explained in Italian that he should go home and sleep it off. Since they are Italian, there was a lot of gesturing and shouting but the boys (really they were only 19 and 20) left. Stefano summed it up easily: “It’s the Italian way.” After a glass of wine, we went back and practically collapsed at the hotel.

roma day 3 May 31, 2009

Day 3, May 24^th

 

            Our third day in Rome started just like the second: delicious croissants and buttered rolls in our hotel courtyard. Today we were venturing across the Tiber to Trastevere, a genteel neighborhood that also has a flea market, naturally the reason why we were venturing over there. Our trip to Trastevere led us to Bocca della Verita, or the Mouth of Truth. It’s most famous from the scene in Roman Holiday (my favorite movie of all time, for those of you who don’t know) when Gregory Peck puts his hand in the mouth and then pretends that the mouth of truth chomped it off scaring Audrey Hepburn. The whole premise behind the mouth is that it will know when you put your hand in the open mouth that you are a liar and bite it off. There was a huge group of people so I didn’t get a chance to put my hand in there. Maybe that was a good thing? Right across the street was the Temple of Vestia which isn’t terribly famous but it was kind of cool and a mostly intact structure from the Roman Empire.

            The flea market was on the Via Porta Portense and was like most flea markets, crowded with lots of cheap jewelry, knock-off clothing and other bits and pieces. Again it was a pretty hot Roman day, about 93 degrees but it felt hotter. We found this kind of rooftop bar where we had some water and listened to some Europop music and watched the shoppers. Then it was off to lunch further in Trastevere. This side of the river was much more of a neighborhood and lots of people were out and about. We came upon Santa Maria in Trastevere which is a Byzantine/Renaissance church with plenty of gorgeous mosaics. We couldn’t go in because they were still having mass (it was a Sunday) so we decided to come back a little later.

            Our lunch this day was probably the best we had in Rome. The restaurant was called Checco er Carrettiere and we sat in their back patio. For our appetizer we shared the fried Roman dish: zucchini flowers that had cheese inside, meatballs, artichoke and arronchini. My main dish was tagliatelli scampi which was a little spicy but more in a zesty way with really fresh chunks of shrimp. While we ate our meal, a large Italian family came in and celebrated one of the little boys first Communion. They had this large elaborate cake complete with a topper of a little boy in first Communion garb and little blue ruffles around the edge. Everyone was there, two sets of grandmothers and aunts and uncles. We skipped dessert at the restaurant in favor of finding a gelateria on our way back to Santa Maria in Trastevere. The church was magnificent on the inside with a mixture of golden mosaics and elaborate frescoes. In one of the side chapels they were performing a baptism. You see a lot in Rome when you aren’t expecting it.

            We had a long walk back to our hotel but decided just to see what we could see as we made our way back. On our usual walks through Rome we would pass Il Gesu, the church of the Jesuits, another that I studied in my art history classes. It was always closed but this time it was open and the opulence of the interior artwork was amazing. I especially loved the dove in the center of the dome. It was our last stop before we made it back to our hotel for the necessary shower before dinner.

            That night we had decided to go to a restaurant Luca had recommended which was over by the Spanish steps, a pretty good distance but there was a lot we could see on our way over. Our walk led us by the Quirinale palace, which was built by a pope and is now the home of the Italian president. The Piazza Quirinale has a great view of the city and it was made even more spectacular by the setting sun. We also came across Bernini’s Four Seasons fountains, each on a separate street corner at the intersection. Though they were dirty, you could still see how much amazing skill Bernini had. Down a steep hill, just another one of those Roman hills, we came into the Piazza Barberini, just below the Palazzo Barberini. In the center is another Bernini fountain. Navigating through the traffic and crowds, we made our way to the Spanish Steps and the Piazza di Spagna. Tons of people were just lounging around on the steps and taking thousands of pictures. We also saw the boat fountain, which is supposed to be a boat that got left ashore after a famous flood. After the Spanish Steps, we tried to find the two restaurants Luca recommended but it turned out that they were both closed so instead we chose a quiet restaurant, Hostaria Al Amatriciana, and sat outside. I finally got a dish of gnocchi and they were so soft just the way real perfect gnocchi should be.

            On the way home we figured out a way to go back by our favorite gelato place, Il Gelato di San Crispini. After picking up gelato, this time I got two different flavors with meringue, we headed over to the Trevi Fountain and people watched before heading home.

look what i found May 29, 2009

Before I explain my long absence from writing anything, especially after I swore that I was going to dedicate more time to blogging, I want to point out how much of a spazz I am about blogging. Today I went to change my e-mail address for this blog because it was still sending things to my old e-mail address. Well the website kept telling me that this address was already in use. After playing around with the “I forgot my password” feature, I finally realized that this year over winter break I started another blog, “When Life Hands You Lemons…” (Lemons are my thing, k?) See, I am a complete spazz about this blog thing. I decided I am going to copy and paste some of the posts over here because they happened during my relationship with my ex. It’s interesting now to see how I felt at the height of it all. Then I’m going to shut it down because I really can only handle one blog at a time seriously.

November 21, 2008

“Boy with a Southern Drawl”-

I knew from my first visit to Georgia that I was going to fall in love with a Southern boy. A sharp, no- nonsense Northern girl with a secret love for country music and pickup trucks? No, I didn’t stand a chance. But it was more than my secret love for all things Southern that sealed my fate. It’s the boys themselves. It was in the actual airport that I first noticed it. Clean cut and smiling, they didn’t complain about holding the door for me to pass through; manners, what a novel idea! Sorry, that’s just a bit of my Northern-ness coming out.

Having spent all my life except for the past 3 and a half years north of the Mason-Dixon line (and really my college town could hardly be labelled the true South) I was used to a certain type of guy. The guy that you wait by the phone for, that you hope smiles at you, that you hope will look your way some time. Maybe it’s all the snow but boys in the North are absolutely frosty. But those Southern boys…I guess they spend a lot of time in the sun. 

It was 2 years after my first time on Georgia soil before I found my Southern boy, and love too. It isn’t something you plan either, falling in love with one of those boys. But they’ll look at you with their puppy dog eyes and smile and make you laugh until your stomach hurts. Oh and they don’t mind sweeping you off your feet. I was doomed from the start, as soon as I drove over that causeway to the island. And how can you not fall in love with someone on an island with time on your hands and the sun on your shoulders? 

What it is really though is that they are genuine. Genuinely nice and sweet, ready to be your prince charming and always ready to make you smile. If every girl had the chance to take a trip down into the heart of the South, I think we’d be a whole lot happier.

 

December 22, 2008

“Presents Presently”- After spending two weeks agonizing over my boyfriend’s present, I have finally realized why it was never a big deal not to have a significant other during the holiday season. Until this year, I never had a boyfriend that I needed to shop for and for that I am grateful. What do you get someone who you daily tell “I love you”? How can a sweater be a good enough measure of this love? Does this love translate into expensive presents or intensive homemade crafts? 

I love buying gifts for people. I love trying to figure out the perfect present for someone and watch their face as they open it. But for some reason, I had no idea what to get for my boyfriend of six months. I knew I wanted to get him something nice, my first impulse being a GPS for his car since his was stolen and he’s obsessed with finding directions. But unfortunately I am a poor college student that would rather not go into debt for her love. When I asked him what he wanted, he urged me not to buy him anything. How sweet but how unhelpful. Not getting a present is not acceptable. 

I finally decided that, since I am a creative and artistic person, a crafty, homemade gift full of love would be perfect. I was able to keep the cost down and make something cute and memorable. Hopefully my boyfriend will think my present is as cute and adorable as me and not something his little 3 year old sister made at daycare.

 

Well that’s it for the posts, I only made it to about 5 and the others were pretty boring. Now just wait a little and I’ll write all about my recent adventures that kept me far, far away from my computer…

 

direction May 20, 2009

This blog is boring; I’m not sure I would read it if I didn’t write it. Plus I sound like a mystical granola-crunching complainer. I have been on a kick lately of trying to be upbeat while things are not going the way I planned and I think that’s part of my problem. Actually to be perfectly I didn’t have very much of a plan when I graduated so I can’t blame that on anyone other than myself. But I at least planned to have a job which, as of this third week in May, I have been unable to secure. My plans are not upset by the unfortunate but ultimately timely break up with my boyfriend. What is upsetting is being sidetracked in my home state. I have not been here for more than a month since summer 2007. I wanted to keep it this way. Of course this is going to make it sound like I hate my home. This is not true at all; I am just a body in motion that likes to stay in constant forward motion, forward motion meaning leaving behind my hometown for somewhere new and exciting. Being upbeat is more forced when you are trying to make the best of a situation you didn’t anticipate. 

Now back to my blog being boring. I had hoped to work on this, i.e. actually write something regulary, to eventually claim ownership of it in some public forum, i.e. facebook. But see, I get continually sidetracked by meaningless things in my life that even I do not want to read about. Then again there are only so many things I can write about. I have decided on some topics to focus on (though we’ll see how long this really lasts):

1. Job hunting- what I spend day in and day out doing, my current obsession, my ticket out of a twin bed with a pink comforter and into a crappy roomshare found on craigslist though still my escape from my boring life here. I am not sure this is a subject I can make interesting in anyway. Although I can point all the crappy jobs that with my mind deteriorating I have considered applying to. And I am still not desperate enough to apply for work at the new Bojangles in Savannah.

2. Guys/Post-traumatic break-up syndrome/ Tawdry escapades- this is probably what I would vote for on someone else’s blog. But seeing as my post-break up state is filled with cynical I-hate-him crap alongside feelings of I-just-want-to-stop-thinking-about-him-so-I-can-get-on-with-it junk, maybe it would be just as boring as the stuff I’ve already written. Tawdry escapades/guys in general is always an interesting topic and might call for some elaboration.

3. Cooking- sadly enough, this is my third topic, but I do love it so. I have come to realize that I am a natural-born homemaker with skills in cleaning, decorating, and cooking. My only two problems to inhibit me from becoming this homemaker are my drinking and my flirtatious nature. 

4. (Mis)adventures- I reason that I could only write something in this blog when something exciting, an adventure, happens. Sadly, my lack of good adventures has made this blog boring so I don’t know how well I will do on this front. But it is worth trying to find “a little zest” (no crappy pun intended) to add to this blog when I go out have something hilarious happen.

Of course who am I kidding? It’s not like I’m going to limit myself to those four topics. I will most likely diverge just I have in every other entry. Maybe though with a little implied direction and focus, I’ll be able to save this from ultimate boredom. And I’m going to cut all the b.s. and stick with being me, the “mean” girl as my ex so frankly told me time and again (remind me again why I was with him so long?). Though I will still cling to the one time some lady told me that I was just too bubbly, bright, and nice to be from up north.

i’m back May 1, 2009

I had the brilliant idea that I would resurrect this blog after many, many months away from it. Actually the last post was while I was still in Georgia, at the beginning of my most amazing summer to date, before I met my now ex-boyfriend, before I was so attached to a silly little ranch house in the middle of the hot and humid woods that I cried when I drove away from it that last morning. It was before I moved back to school for my senior year, before I had roommate drama and got my own apartment on campus. It was before my sorority became 35 sisters strong and I made even more wonderful friends. It was before the ups and downs of my first relationship where I loved someone with all my heart and before I lost it all because it simply wasn’t meant to be. That last post was before I had finished everything needed to complete my undergraduate career. 

Here I am a week and a day before I walk in this huge and ugly gown to receive a piece of paper saying I am a graduate of college. I wish I could say I’m looking forward to this or that in my future just like I was last May when I was so excited for Jekyll Island and my internship. But right now, the future hasn’t been determined. Sure it’s scary for me, the girl who has always had a plan and always knows which direction to go in. Things change though and the biggest lesson I’ve learned this year was that you have to be patient. You have to realize that everything does happen for a reason and I have to be patient for the perfect thing to happen. Now I did hear that you could make money from blogging…but I’m probably not technologically savvy enough for that. 

Here I am again, let’s see how this goes this time around.

i do not like… May 22, 2008

1. Guys with huge tattoos. Is a huge honking Celtic cross on your upper arm supposed to turn me on? Do you drive a truck for a living and expect me to care for your illegitimate children?
2. Guys doing girly things. Be a man please and stop using your AIM profile to declare your love. And stop trying to find the perfect stanza in the new Lifehouse song to express your undying love. Yes, we know you are getting some.
3. Guys wearing girl pants. It is simply unnatural.
4. Guys with cryptic text messages. I am the girl in this exchange (at least I am pretty sure I am…) so stop sending me double entendres. I know you are spending too much time thinking up ways to make me spend too much time making me think
5. Guys pretending that because they have different body parts makes them stronger all the time. I can lift a box too. Well, unless it’s really really heavy
6. There not being any cute guys around town. It is clearly unacceptable when you are twenty and single.

ring, ring May 9, 2008

Guys make the phone a girl’s worst enemy and best friend all rolled into one. Back in the olden days, the days of Carrie Bradshaw when she still had a home on HBO, women waited for the call. Today it’s the call or the text message, which ever poison you chose. I always fall for the text message, and obviously the messager. Time and again, I find myself waiting for the annoying little ring that signals I have a text. I have been traumatized by one too many text messagers and the whole waiting game. One particular text messaging escapade has made it impossible for me to hear a certain galloping ring tone and not have my heart start racing. I wait and wait and wait to hear the ring, to feel the vibrate, or see the screen flash brightly so that I can flick open the phone and read the witty response. Or even if it’s less than witty (boys are so apt for a short and lame “k” or “sure” or the ever annoying, “what?”) it still makes my heart race. It’s like having the chase, only not face-to-face so sexy double entendres can be thought up.

I decided, against my better judgement, that the text message waiting problem would be better if I was talking to more than one guy. My logic was correct, it’s not quite as bad when you’re texting multiple guys. Obviously you feel in control. But then it becomes somewhat skewed when you are now waiting for more than one guy. Obviously the anxiety and waiting gets magnified.

My phone has become a drug. I have resorted to hiding it around my house so that I don’t check it every hour on the hour. So if you are trying to get a hold of me, blame the guys who have turned my phone into something not unlike crack.