You know what I hate a lot but I seem to be unable to avoid? Not knowing what I want. I get myself in these situations where I sit around and think and think and think. I try to figure out where I want to go with whatever it is. When I face such indecision, it makes me frustrated. I’m not indecisive. I don’t have issues making a decision, for myself or others. I know what path I want my life to take and am going to take it. So when there’s a problem that I can’t just make a quick decision on, it eats me up inside. I guess that’s what happens when you are a little bit of a compulsive perfectionist.
I had one such problem until about 10am this morning. I was sitting at work, casually surfing Facebook instead of doing moisture readings or cataloguing endless stacks of books. I was not really thinking about the issue until suddenly it came to me. What I want is MORE. More, I want it. Instead of wondering, I want to know. Instead of debating my actions, I want to jump on it and do it. So that’s what I am going to do. I expect so much out of every part of my life, why not my private life too?
Watch the part in the Holiday where they talk about the best friend and the leading lady. Arthur tells Iris that she is playing the part of the best friend when she is obviously the leading lady. And then she gets it, she’s supposed to be the leading lady of her own life. That’s how I feel. I will be the leading lady and I’m going to want MORE.
